


not understanding things together

by ApatheticRobots



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Autistic Character(s), Gen, Platonic Relationships, mentions of bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26538421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApatheticRobots/pseuds/ApatheticRobots
Summary: The base is a little too loud, and Ratchet may like to pretend it's not bothering him, but Raf can see otherwise. And he gets it.
Relationships: Rafael "Raf" Esquivel & Ratchet
Comments: 9
Kudos: 86





	not understanding things together

**Author's Note:**

> hello i wrote this because i love ratchet and i think he deserves nice things. unbeta'd
> 
> also before you say some dumb shit keep in mind that I am autistic and kind of know what im talking about thank you <3

The Autobots hid a lot of things from their human companions. Rafael knew that well. They hadn’t really understood the concept of human children when they’d first gotten acquainted, and even now they still struggled with it sometimes, but despite that they still knew there were things that weren’t exactly appropriate to talk about around people so much younger than them. They hid things from each other, too. They all had their secrets, and as much as Miko (and Jack, even if he tried to pretend he didn’t) liked to push, Raf understood. Living in a family as big as his taught him the value in secrets.

He just wished Ratchet didn’t keep so many.

It wasn’t as though he was the most secretive of all the Autobots. That title probably went to Optimus, who had the worst case of hero/martyr complex Raf had ever seen. Arcee was a close second, but it didn’t take that much pushing from someone she liked (like Jack) to get her to admit what was bothering her. Bulkhead and Bee, for all the latter couldn’t actually talk, were open books. 

The problem was that Ratchet’s way of keeping secrets was a little bit different. Optimus kept more, but he was honest about the things that mattered, and even when he wouldn’t tell them things he was kind about it. But Ratchet? He was  _ rude _ about it. In a way that made it seem like he didn’t actually like any of them.

Raf knew Ratchet cared. He may not have been the best at social cues or picking out what people were feeling, but he could tell well enough when Ratchet’s optics softened with affection as he watched the younger bots’ or the humans’ antics. Which was why it was so confusing that he was so mean all the time. Like-- Raf didn’t fault him for being bitter. He was old. He’d dealt with a lot. Ratchet had the right to be crotchety if he wanted.

Yelling at Bee after the scout had laughed a bit too loudly, though, was a little much. That was the incident which prompted Rafael to forego the homework he was trying to do and instead trot over to sit down on the edge of the raised platform closer to Ratchet’s workstation.

“Hey, Ratchet?”

The medic started, looking around with wide eyes for a moment until they settled on Raf. “Oh,” he said, “Rafael. What are you still doing over here?”

He shrugged. “Couldn’t finish my homework,” he said. “It’s too loud to focus.” Everyone was in the base for once. Bulkhead and Arcee were having a rather animated argument with Bee both spectating and throwing in his own animated commentary every now and then, Jack and Miko were versusing each other in one of the games they had lying around, and Optimus was on a phone call with Agent Fowler. So it was several voices all talking very loudly at once. And the base echoed.

Ratchet’s expression soured. “Ah. I suppose I understand. I suppose that means you’re going to stay here and bother me instead?”

“I can leave.”

“No, no,” Ratchet said as he waved a hand, quicker than he probably hoped it had seemed. He always denied it when anyone hinted that he might enjoy the kids’ company. “It’s fine. Just don’t distract me, I have work to do.”

“Right.”

Rafael sat silently for a few minutes, absent-mindedly kicking his feet. He watched Bulkhead throw out a hand violently as he shouted something at Arcee. His fist hit the wall, which caused it to shake, and made a loud  _ thud _ noise. Raf also watched as Ratchet flinched at the sound.

He turned his attention to the medic instead. Ratchet was typing on the keyboard, but whenever he paused to read whatever was on the screen he would tap on the clear spot of the console instead. He’d twitch every time one of the bots yelled particularly loudly, or whenever Jack or Miko shouted. He flinched when Agent Fowler started yelling. He was fidgeting where he stood, expression pinched.

“Ratchet?”

He jerked as if struck. “ _ What, _ Rafael? I’m busy. I don’t have time to entertain your nonsense right now.”

It kind of hurt, but Rafael thought of every time he’d ever snapped at his siblings or Jack or Miko when they’d gotten to be too much and told himself not to feel bad about it. “Can you help me with something really quickly? I was trying to get something earlier but I’m too short.”

A sigh. For a moment it seemed like he wanted to deny, but his shoulders slumped and he relented. “I suppose. What did you need?”

“Here, it’s this way.” Rafael slipped under the edge of the guard rail and hopped off of the balcony. Ratchet immediately moved his hands to catch him, setting him down gently on the floor. 

It was little moments like that which truly convinced Rafael that all Ratchet’s griping and hostility was a farce. He’d get mad whenever anyone came back injured, but all that anger was barely concealing sheer concern. He’d immediately move to help the kids if they needed to get somewhere high up or if they were in danger by the simple virtue of spending time around beings so much larger than them. He followed dutifully as Raf led him away from the chaos and noise that was the main area of the base.

Eventually he got to the room he had in mind-- a storage bay in the very back of the base-- and ducked inside. Ratchet followed.

“So what was it you needed?”

Raf grinned, climbing up onto a crate and sitting criss-cross. “I needed some time away from all the noise.”

“Wh--” The medic sputtered. “Why did you have to drag me away for that?”

“Because  _ you _ needed some time away too.”

His expression immediately went dark, pinched into a scowl. “Is this about Bumblebee? He was being a nuisance, but I shouldn’t have yelled, and I’m sorry. Can I get back to work now?”

“This isn’t about Bee, it’s about  _ you. _ ”

That made him shift in place uncomfortably, inching towards the door but not actually leaving. He could go whenever, and he probably knew that, yet he still stayed right where he was. “I was fine,” he said. “I don’t need a child telling me what’s best. I’m a medical professional and--”

“And  _ so _ you should know when to take care of yourself. Hey,” Raf said, raising both hands palms-out. “I don’t wanna argue. You don’t have to mention it, or say anything, or try to defend yourself. I’m not gonna judge. But I know what overstimulation looks like when I see it. You can’t just keep ignoring it until you shut down.”

Ratchet scoffed. “How could you possibly--”

“Because it happens to me too.” That made the medic pause and look at him incredulously. “That’s a thing with humans. There’s probably different reasons for why it happens to us and why it happens to you, but I can’t handle lots of different noises or really loud noise either. So when it gets to be too much I gotta leave the room and go somewhere quiet.” He stretched his legs out and kicked his feet, the thud of his heels hitting the box muffled by his too-big jeans.

“...It’s normal?”

“Well, some people wouldn’t think so,” Raf said, thinking of school where people used ‘autistic’ like an insult and-- in crueler times-- tried to overwhelm him on purpose, “but it’s  _ my _ normal.”

“...Huh.” Careful not to land too heavily, Ratchet lowered himself to the floor, pulling his legs up. “Why does it happen to you?”

Raf shrugged again. “Dunno. It’s just how I was built. I can’t deal with certain textures or tastes either, and I gotta be moving almost constantly. Oh, and I don’t get social cues really well. Talking with other people is confusing.”

“I see.”

He grinned up at Ratchet. “You guys are a lot easier to talk to, though. Mostly ‘cause you don’t really understand how human socializing works either. Not understanding something feels a lot nicer when there’s other folks who don’t understand the same thing with you.” The ‘bots had a lot of their own confusing nuances to language, but talking with them didn’t have quite the same vague strangeness that talking to other people did.

“I suppose I understand,” Ratchet said. He paused for a moment, then spoke again; “There are certain scents that bother me to an extreme degree. And… If my schedule for the day is disrupted, I find it difficult to get back on task without taking a break for a little while. I have to have things kept neat.” He made a face. “I have trouble sleeping.”

Raf nods. “Yeah. One of my sisters has that thing with schedules too. You don’t have to be embarrassed about it or anything.” He shifted over on the box so he could be a bit closer to Ratchet. “I get it.”

All the tension in the medic’s frame seemed to dissipate at those last few words. He slumped over, sighing, and his optics dimmed. “It is… difficult.”

  
“Yeah.”

“Optimus knows. He does his best to keep things quiet, but sometimes he… forgets. I don’t blame him for it. And I know he’s not doing it on purpose, but I also know that he would blame himself if I were to bring it up.” 

Raf hummed an acknowledgement. “Sometimes it’s easier to just deal with it than to have to navigate a conversation.”

A huff that Rafael interpreted as a laugh. “Indeed.”

They lapsed into silence. Normally Raf felt uncomfortable with silence; he didn’t know if that meant the conversation was over, or if the other party was expecting him to say something, or if they were gonna start talking again and he needed to be ready for it. But this felt okay. Because he knew Ratchet got it.

Raf glanced over. Normally he would just use the curves of Ratchet’s armor as a grip and haul himself up, but given the circumstances… he thought it would be best if he asked. “Can I sit on your shoulder?”

“I--” Ratchet paused. “...Not now.”

“Okay.” He didn’t need any more of an explanation. He went back to idly kicking his feet.

After a few moments, there was the creaking of metal as Ratchet sighed and leaned back against the wall. “Rafael?”

“Yeah?” Raf turned to look at him.

Ratchet wasn’t looking at him, rather staring at the ceiling. He had his hands crossed loosely in his lap. His expression was a lot calmer looking than Raf had ever seen it. Peaceful. He closed his optics for a moment. Then opened them again, looked over at Raf, and smiled. “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> the other autobots are autistic too bc every transformer is autistic i just wanted to focus on ratchet today :)


End file.
